Psychological gain
Psychological gain is the non-obvious benefit, relief, or protection that a particular pattern provides despite its costs.
Definition
Psychological gain does not mean that a person consciously chooses to suffer. It means that even a difficult pattern can fulfill a function: protect against shame, risk, conflict, responsibility or loss of control. Recognizing the gain helps you change the pattern without brutally taking away your only defense strategy.
Key ideas
- Hidden function
- Relief or protection
- Long-term cost
Practice and life
With a pattern you can't change, ask: what does this give me immediately? What does it protect me from? What healthier way can fulfill this function?
Common misconceptions
It is a mistake to use psychological gain to blame a person. It is also a mistake to ignore the pattern's functions and focus only on its cost.
> Every pattern gives something, even if it also takes something away.
> — Guru Element
Questions for self-reflection
- What does this pattern give me?
- What does it protect me from?
- How can I get similar protection in a healthier way?