Co-regulation
Co-regulation is the process in which one person helps another regulate emotions, tension and behavior through presence, reaction and contact.
Definition
Coregulation is particularly important in child development, but it also occurs in adult relationships. A calm tone, predictability, attentive presence, and a safe response can help the other person's nervous system return to balance. This is not taking responsibility for other people's emotions, but supporting regulation.
Key ideas
- Relational emotion regulation
- Safe presence
- Bridge to self-regulation
Practice and life
In a difficult conversation, first slow down the pace, name your emotions and maintain a calm tone. Only then move on to solutions.
Common misconceptions
It is a mistake to confuse co-regulation with saving the other person. The second mistake is to demand self-regulation from someone who is highly aroused.
> Sometimes a person regains peace first in someone else's presence, and only then in himself.
> — Guru Element
Questions for self-reflection
- Does my presence calm you down or increase your tension?
- How can I give the other person predictability?
- Where does support end and taking responsibility begin?