Excessive control
Excessive control is a rigid need to regulate situations, emotions or other people beyond the real need and ability to influence.
Definition
It often results from fear, uncertainty or previous experiences of insecurity. In the short term it gives a sense of order, but in the long term it can increase tension, perfectionism, conflicts and difficulty in rest.
Key ideas
- The need for security
- Stiffness
- Influence versus control
Practice and life
Divide the matter into three areas: I control, I influence, I do not control. Only act on the first two.
Common misconceptions
It is a mistake to fight excessive control by completely letting go. What is needed is gradual learning of flexibility, not chaos.
> Control helps up to a point, beyond which it begins to take away flexibility.
> — Guru Element
Questions for self-reflection
- What am I trying to control despite having no influence?
- What emotion is the control supposed to cover?
- What small area can I safely let go?